My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How external is "for external use only"?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
