The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
