Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
