brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
