It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
