my phone needs a breathalizer
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
