I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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