You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
