Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
