The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
