matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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