Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
