He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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