If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
