Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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