No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
