Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
