You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize