it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
