I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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