It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
