He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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