I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
