So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
