my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize