I will die if light touches me.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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