next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Acid is not a monday night drug
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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