just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
