I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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