u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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