You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
