Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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