when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
whose parrot is this?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
