Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
