im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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