Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
