do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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