no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
