I like my sex mixed with concussions.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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