areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
