Umm I'm too high to move.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
