a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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