Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
