Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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