there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
