shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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