Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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