Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
