seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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