It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
