Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
