I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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