Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
