At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
