thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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