how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
