Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
