worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
