Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
