Need sex. Gaining weight.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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