My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize