Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize