are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
