think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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