my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize