It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wish you could order shots online.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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