last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
