Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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