Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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