i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
