You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He did a backflip because drugs
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize