i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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