You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
