and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
