"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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