I cockslap morals
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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