I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He felt like a one man threesome
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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