i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
