If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My pussy is not your playground.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
