I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
