She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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