you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This house was built for laser tag.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
