Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
