sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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