my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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