I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
