If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
