Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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