I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
