I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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