Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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