theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The Olympian is in my bed
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
