An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
