i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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