Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
