There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
