I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
