I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Mom said you looked used
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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