no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
