You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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