You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
