I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
