woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
