I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
