I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
we should paint friendship bongs
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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