Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
