Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My pussy is not your playground.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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