have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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