we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize